The way people hold to the belief that a fun-filled, painfree life equals happiness actually
reduces their chances of ever attaining real happiness. If fun and pleasure are equal to
happiness then pain must be equal to unhappiness. But in fact, the opposite is true: more
often than not things that lead to happiness involve some pain.
As a result, many people avoid the very attempts that are the source of true happiness.
They fear the pain inevitably brought by such things as marriage, raising children, professional
achievement, religious commitment, self-improvement.
Ask a bachelor why he resists marriage even though he finds dating to be less and less
satisfying. lf he is honest he will tell you that he is afraid of making a commitment. For
commitment is in fact quite painful. The single life is filled with fun, adventure, excitement.
Marriage has such moments, but they are not its most distinguishing features.
Couples with infant children are lucky to get a whole night's s1eep or three-day vacation.
I don't know any parent who would choose the word fun to describe raising children.But
couples who decide not to have children ever know the joys of watching a child grow up
or of playing with a grandchild.
Understanding and accepting that true happiness has nothing to do with fun is one of the
most liberating realizations. It liberates time: now we can devote more hours to activities that
can genuinely increase our happiness. It liberates money: buying that new car or those fancy
clothes that will do nothing to increase our happiness now seems point1ess. And it liberates
us from envy: we now understand that all those who are always having so much fun actually
may not be happy at all.
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