Question

最近，你们班召开了以“我的中国梦”为主题的班会活动,每位同学都畅谈了自己对中国梦的理解。请写一篇日记，记述班会情况及自己的感受。内容要点如下：
1.同学们谈到中国梦纷纷表示大受鼓舞;
2.你谈到了自己的梦想;
3.如何实现自己的梦想。
要求:(1)词数100字左右;
(2)在答题卡上作答。
April 8 Monday Fine
Recently we had a class meeting on the topic of My Chinese Dream. Inspired by President Xi’s Chinese Dream, everyone talked enthusiastically about his understanding of the Chinese Dream. We all believe that this dream will come true in the future. I also talked about my own dream. I have always wanted to be a doctor. Not only can doctors save people’s lives but also they are doing a respectable job. Doctors can also help people to live a better life with their professional knowledge .To realize my dream, I must try to work hard from now on. I must learn as much as I can so that I can get into a good medical college, where I can prepare myself adequately for the job of a doctor. Only in this way can I accomplish my goal.

Answer 1

One possible version:
April 8 Monday Fine
Recently we had a class meeting on the topic of My Chinese Dream. Inspired by President Xi’s Chinese Dream, everyone talked enthusiastically about his understanding of the Chinese Dream. We all believe that this dream will come true in the future. I also talked about my own dream. I have always wanted to be a doctor. Not only can doctors save people’s lives but also they are doing a respectable job. Doctors can also help people to live a better life with their professional knowledge .To realize my dream, I must try to work hard from now on. I must learn as much as I can so that I can get into a good medical college, where I can prepare myself adequately for the job of a doctor. Only in this way can I accomplish my goal.

试题分析：本篇书面表达是一篇日记。在写作时要注意使用第一人称。日记是记叙已经发生过的事情，要用一般过去时，此篇文章内容是畅谈梦想，所以也会使用一般现在时或一般将来时来表述现在的感受或者未来的行动。此外，分析要点可知文章内容要涉及三个方面，即同学们的感受、自己的梦想和自己的打算，在写作时要恰当使用连接词把这三个方面有机联系起来。而且写作时还应注意细节上的补充以丰富文章内容，使行文连贯顺畅。
【亮点说明】文章符合日记文体的要求，而且要点全面，结构紧凑。文中使用了多种表达方式，如非谓语短语Inspired by President Xi’s Chinese Dream,不定式短语To realize my dream,状语从句so that I can get into a good medical college和定语从句where I can prepare myself adequately for the job of a doctor.等，使文章句式丰富，亮点纷呈。两个倒装句Not only can doctors save people’s lives but also they are doing a respectable job.和Only in this way can I accomplish my goal.的使用不但丰富了句式，同时也使文章上下衔接更为紧凑。此外，高级词汇enthusiastically、 accomplish、 adequately等的出现也提高了作文的档次。