How to be a good listener

Everyone loves a good listener. But there are more reasons to develop the skill of listening than to win hearts or popularity contests.

Listening heals hurts and builds bridges. It gives us the ability to understand and empathize, to view the world from our own point. It can bring us wisdom over and above mere intelligence. But most importantly, it allows us to give the people around us the gifts they crave (渴望) most—a sense of worth.

As it turns out, there’s more to good listening than just keeping quiet and allowing someone to speak. Effective listening is actually a combination of two key communication skills: listening and verifying (确认).

Even when we’ve managed to hear a person’s entire message, we often interpret it wrong—according to our own understanding, experience, or prejudice.

As an effective listener, your goal is to hear and absorb what another has to say…in exactly the way they mean it to be understood. Only then can you respond properly.

This is much easier read than done, so here are a few helpful tips:

1. Give the speaker your full attention.

Stop talking and remove all distractions. Turn off the TV, your phone, or computer. Watch your body language. The way you look at the speaker, or the way you stand or sit, makes a huge difference. The right listening body language communicates that we are listening openly and attentively, and puts the other person at ease.

2. Be patient.

Not everyone is a gifted speaker. Some people take longer to find the right word to make a point. Others are too worried to get their message across properly. If necessary, ask the speaker to explain further. It will help him / her speak more exactly and it will help you hear and understand better.

3. Keep your emotions in check.

If what someone is saying creates an emotional response in you, make an extra effort to listen carefully. When we’re angry, frightened or upset, we often miss key parts of what is being said.

4. Hold your fire.

Don’t jump to conclusions immediately. A good listener doesn’t react until comprehension is complete. If you respond in a way that makes the other person defensive, even if you “win” the argument, you may lose something far more valuable.

5. Even if you think you understand. VERIFY.

Never assume you got the message right. Pause, think about what was said, and then ask “Is this what you meant?” or “Am I understanding this right?”

6. Empathize.

Take a moment to stand in the other person’s shoes, to look at the situation from his / her point of view…especially when you’re being told something personal or painful, or something you strongly disagree with. The more shoes you are able to successfully stand in within your life time, the less puzzled you’ll find your life and relationships to be.

1. of good listening	2.hurts. Building 3.. Allowing us to4.and empathize, and viewing the world in an all-round way. Bringing us wisdom over and above mere intelligence. 5.the people around us feel worthy.
Components of effective listening	Good listening consists of two key communication skills: 6.and verifying.
7. to be a good listener	Listening to the speaker8.. Trying to be a 9.listener. Avoiding being affected by your emotions. Waiting before you take 10.. Verifying. Empathizing.

 

 

It’s a nightmare for Huazhong University of Science and Technology （HUST）: within a week，two students committed suicide by jumping off dorm buildings．对于整个华中科技大学来说，这简直就是场噩梦：一周之内，两名学生在宿舍跳楼自杀。

Officials from the university are reluctant to give interviews．校方官员们不愿接受采访。

“We had a hard time calming down students who were shocked at the suicides,” said Zhang Jingyuan，one official of HUST．

“Media coverage may arouse some students’ negative emotions again．Suicide can be contagious,” Zhang said．他说，“媒体的报道将会再次引发学生的消极情绪，自杀是会传染的。”

The university reacted promptly to the first suicide on October 23．对于今年10月23号发生的第一起自杀事件，华中科技大学迅速做出应急措施。

Advisors and class leaders conducted dorm-to-dorm checks to find students suffering depression．Then psychologists offered one-on-one counseling to them．辅导员和班长们走访了每个宿舍，找出遭遇抑郁的学生。然后，心理咨询师会为这些学生提供一对一的心理咨询。

Notice boards publicizing tips for identifying peers’ mental problems and offering help were set up in front of dorm buildings．Leaflets carrying similar information were handed out to each dorm．宿舍楼前竖起一些布告栏，为同学们普及关于如何发现身边人遭遇心理问题并提供帮助的小贴士。印有类似内容的小册子也被分发给每个寝室。

However，the second suicide came seven days later．然而，七天后，第二起自杀事件发生了。

Both students were described as men of few words．Their schoolmates didn’t see anything to indicate suicide．据周围人描述，这两名学生都很少言寡语。他们的同学都没有觉察到任何自杀前的征兆。

Zhang revealed that the two students had been bothered by mental disorders．But the school didn’t know this until the students’ close friends outside school and their parents unveiled the truth after the suicides．章劲元透露，这两名学生曾经饱受心理疾病的困扰。但是学校对此并不知情，他们校外的好友和家长也是在自杀事件发生后才说出实情。

According to Zhang，there are only three full-time counselors working in the university’s counseling center for its 60,000 students．He complained: “It’s unrealistic to rely only on counselors to detect students’ mental problems．”据章劲元说，全校共有六万名学生，但学校的心理咨询中心只有三位全职心理咨询师。他抱怨说：“仅仅依靠心理咨询师来察觉学生的心理问题，这是不现实的。”

Effective prevention comes from long-term education for life instead of temporary intervention to meet an emergency，said Hu Yi’an．Hu delivers a course of lectures on life and death at Guangzhou University．He worries that universities have paid little attention to education for life．有效的预防来自于长期的生命教育，而并非遭遇紧急状况时的临时干预，胡毅安（音译）说。他在广州大学教授以生命和死亡为主题的课程。他为各大高校给予生命教育的关注少之又少而担忧。

“Education for life helps students respect and love life so they won’t resort to ending their lives when they have difficulties,” said Hu．“生命教育可以帮助学生尊重、热爱生命，这样一来，当他们遇到困难的时候就不会选择结束生命了,” 胡毅安说。

According to Hu，the principles can be incorporated into everyday teaching．胡毅安还表示，这些观念可以融入到日常教学中去。

Hu is also concerned that some universities are conveying discriminatory message that will hold back students from seeking help．胡老师也很担心一些大学传递出带有歧视性的信息会使得学生们不愿去寻求帮助。

When HUST conducted the dorm-to-dorm examination，students with poor academic performance were paid special attention．In March，Peking University also released a controversial policy，which required teachers to have a chat with students “with biased thinking”．当华中科技大学校方挨个宿舍进行走访时，学习成绩较差的学生也被给予了特别关照。三月份，北京大学也推行了一项备受争议的政策，该新规要求教师们要找那些学生中的“激进分子”谈话。

However，Hu suggested that students step out of their comfort zone to seek real-life communication．

1.The underlined word “reluctant” in paragraph 2 probably means “       ”．

A．willing

B．unhappy

C．refused

D．decided

2.Which measure the university took to the first suicide is incorrect?

A．Conducting checks to find out the students’ depression．

B．Offering counseling to the students．

C．Setting up notice boards publicizing tips for identifying peers’ mental problems and offering help．

D．Handing out leaflets to each student．

3.Which of the following is right according to the text?

A．Officials of HUST were willing to give the details about the suicide．

B．HUST didn’t respond to the first suicide．

C．What the university about the suicide was a success．

D．Their close friends and parents did know the students had mental disorder．

4.What’s the main idea of the passage?

A．Two students of HUST committed suicide．

B．What can we do to prevent the student’s suicide?

C．The reasons why the students committed suicide．

D．The dangers in the universities in China．

 

What doomed the Titanic is well known, at least in outline. On a moonless night of April 15, 1912, the ship hit an iceberg in the North Atlantic ,with 1,500 lives lost.

A century later many people presented new theories to explain the real reason for the disaster. Now two new studies argue that rare states of nature played major roles in the disaster.

The first says Earth’s nearness to the Moon and the Sun — a proximity not matched in more than 1,000 years — resulted in record tides that help explain why the Titanic met with so much ice, including the fatal iceberg.

Recently, a team of researchers found an apparent explanation in the heavens. They discovered that Earth had come unusually close to the Sun and Moon that winter, enhancing their gravitational pulls on the ocean and producing record tides. The rare orbits took place between December 1911 and February 1912 — about two months before the disaster came about. The researchers suggest that the high tides refloated masses of icebergs traditionally stuck along the coastlines of Labrador and Newfoundland and sent them adrift into the North Atlantic shipping lanes.

And a second, put forward by a Titanic historian from Britain, contends that the icy waters created ideal conditions for an unusual type of mirage(海市蜃楼) that hid icebergs from lookouts whose duty was to watch carefully for  danger ahead and confused a nearby ship as to the liner’s identity, delaying rescue efforts for hours.

Most people know mirages as natural phenomena caused when hot air near the Earth’s surface bends light rays upward. In a desert, the effect prompts lost travelers to mistake patches of blue sky for pools of water. But another kind of mirage occurs when cold air bends light rays downward. In that case, observers can see objects and settings far over the horizon. The images often undergo quick distortions — not unlike the wavy reflections in a funhouse mirror.

Now, scholars of the Titanic are debating these new theories. Some have different opinions on it. Over all, though, many experts are applauding the fresh perspectives.  (words:353)

1.The underlined word "It" in the title probably refers to _______.

A．the Titanic         B．the record tide     C．the cause of the disaster   D．an unusual mirage

2.According to Theory First, what was the right chain of causes leading to the Titanic’s disaster?

① record tides’ forming and icebergs’ being refloated

② icebergs’ being drifted into the North Atlantic shipping lanes

③the Earth’s strange closing to the Sun and the Moon

④increasing of the gravitational force on the ocean

A．①→②→③→④    B．③→④→①→②    C．④→③→②→①    D．②→③→④→①

3.According to Theory Second, the disaster happened to the Titanic mainly because______.

A．the freezing weather made the watcher not be able to watch clear

B．the mirage on the sea attracted the watcher and made him forget his work

C．the high tides drove the icebergs float so fast that the watcher didn’t respond to them

D．the mirage made the watcher not find icebergs and a nearby ship delay rescuing

4.What is the chief function of the sixth paragraph?

A．to infer the possibility of the mirage appearing

B．to explain to the readers the ways of the mirage forming

C．to summarize the various kinds of the mirage

D．to analyze the conditions of the mirage arising

5.This passage is organized generally in the pattern of________.

A．comparison and contrast                  B．time and events

C．conclusion and proof                    D．definition and classification（分类)）

 

Should parents ever hit their children?

Research suggests many of us are likely to respond “no”, and public support for spanking(打屁股) has been falling over the years. But surverys also show that 75 percent to nearly 90 percent of parents admit to spanking their child at least once.

I was raised in a zero-tolerance home for disrespect, and my parents often turned to physical punishment. And, no, I don’t feel I was damaged by it.

Nothing is more annoying than watching ill-mannered behavior from children.

But there is data to suggest that a return to old-school spanking isn’t the answer.

Two years ago, Newsweek reported that it had found data suggesting that teens whose parents used physical punishment were more likely to become aggressive.

Murray Straus, professor at the University of New Hampshire in America, has studied the topic of children and spanking for decades. He said that children who were physically punished have lower IQs than their peers(同等的人). It may be that children with lower IQqs were more likely to get spanked, but the punishment may have been counterpoductive(反作用的) to their mental development, as well.

Some researchers make the argument that occasional open-handed smacks(用巴掌打) on the bottom are not only harmless but can have some benefit.

Last year, Marjorie Gunnoe, a psychologist at Calvin College, studied teens who have never spanked. There are a greater number of children growing up without ever having been physi punished. Gunnoe’s research suggests they don’t turn out any better than those who were sometimes spank.

There are some parents who simply cannot control their tempers(脾气). But I still believe that the best parents are the ones who are able to offer fair and firm discipline without ever turning to physical puishment.

According to the first three paragraphs, the author was probably hit by her parents when       .

A．they were dissatisfied with her grade    

B．she showed no respect for the elder

C．they cannot control their temper   

D．their discipline turns out to be not strict enough

According to Murray Straus, children who are physically punished      .

A．are less aggreesive toward others when they get older

B．have slower physical development

C．benefit from occasional spanking

D．may develop lower IQs than their peer

Which of the following statements is TRUE according to the article?

A．40 percent of children grow up without ever being spanked

B．Children who suffer less physical punishment are better students

C．Occasional open-handed spanking on the bottom are mentally harmful

D．Researchers disagree over whether smacking is mentally harmful to children

The author seems to agree that       .

A．parents should determine whether a child needs to be smacked or not

B．children who have been spanked tend to behave better than those who haven’t

C．good parents discipline their children in a fair and reasonable way

D．physical punishment should be the last resort of any parent

Saying “thank you” is probably the first thing most of us learn to do in a foreign language. After all, we’re brought up to be polite, and it is important to make a good impression upon other people — especially across national divides.

So, what exactly are you supposed to say when “thank you” is only the 20th most popular way to express gratitude? According to a recent survey, 19 other ways of expressing appreciation finished ahead of “thank you” in a poll of 3,000 people.

Pollsters(民测调查员) found almost half of those asked preferred the more informal “cheers”, while others liked to use such expressions as “ta”, “great” and “nice one”.

So, just what is the appropriate form of words to express your thanks?

Fortunately, the clue is in the language itself. “Cheers”, despite its popularity, is considered an informal way to say thank you — and this is a definite clue as to when you can best use it.

For instance, when going for a drink with friends, a smile and a “cheers” by way of thanks is not only appropriate to the situation, it is also culturally accurate.

“Ta”, originated from the Danish word “tak”, was the second-most popular expression of thanks, and is also commonly used in informal situations, along with phrases such as “nice one”, and “brilliant”. Interestingly, one word that didn’t make it into the top 20 was “thanks”, Thank you is shorter, more informal cousin.

“Thanks” can be useful, as it is able to bridge the divide between the formality of “thank you” and the downright relaxed “cheers”.

Certain words can double as an expression of thanks as well as delight. Again, the words themselves offer the clue as to when best to use them.

For example, words like “awesome”, “brilliant” and “you star” featured highly in the new poll and they can hint at both your pleasure at someone’s action, as well as serving to express your thanks. If you are on the receiving end of a “new” thank you, you can respond with a simple “no problem”, or “sure”.

Of course, in certain circumstances, a simple wave, nod or smile may be appropriate. For instance, if a car driver slows down to let you cross the road, simply raising your hand in acknowledgement is enough to show that you appreciate the driver’s consideration.

Sometimes, formality is necessary, and “thank you” is still the best choice in such situations. But students should not worry about when exactly to use certain expressions.

Many people in Western countries are worried that good manners are in decline. People are tired of seeing their acts of kindness and service pass without comment. So don’t think your “thank you” is clumsy or awkwardly formal. The chances are, if you said “thank you”, you made someone’s day. You star.

1.We can tell from the results of the poll that __________.

A．people are unconcerned about politeness nowadays.

B．“thank you” remains the best expression of gratitude.

C．there is a variety of expressions of appreciation.

D．there are more formal expressions than informal ones.

2.According to the passage, which is an appropriate response to “awesome” or “brilliant”?

A．Thanks.           B．Sure.             C．Nice one.          D．Cheers. .

3.In the last paragraph the author encourages people to          .

A．show their gratitude to others.             B．behave themselves well.

C．continue their acts of kindness.             D．stop worrying about bad manners.

4.Which of the following can serve as the best title of this passage?

A．How to Appear More Polite .               B．Ways to Show Gratitude.

C．Never hesitate to Say “Thank You”.        D．Good Manners in Decline!